I've always thought of taking up a second course even before I graduated but this is the first time I seriously consider pushing through with it.
I've been restless. God, I've been restless for as long as I can remember (well, around five+ years and counting). I won't go into detail about that anymore, as I've already done so profusely in previous blogs. I have this feeling of discontent. As if I know nothing and I have nowhere to go, no direction and clear paths to follow.
As much as I like to study again, I know that I can't for, you know, certain reasons. No, I'm not 100% sure if the course I want to take is the right one. But it's the closest to whatever it is that I want, or at least I believe I want. The thing is, I'm pretty much willing to take that risk. I'm not known for taking risks, fact is, I'm scared as hell with the whole business of taking risks and facing changes. So I guess it's a big thing, or at least worth noting that this time, I think I can. Funny how when your mind's (partially) made up about something, you can't really push through and act upon it.
Mistake upon mistake . . .
I know I have to make do with what I have. This is where I am now, and I can't go back, I can only move forward. I'm just tired with this feeling. And no, you can't really shut out these so-called feelings (at least I can't), you can only cover them up. It's freaking me out, how when I finally have something I think can make things different, and hopefully better, there's really no way of going on with it.
girl, I think I know exactly how you feel. This whole past year I've been questioning and re-questioning and realizing I don't know anything at all, frustrated and disillusioned, bored with everything, impatient with everything, over and over. I feel like I'm putting off something important, but I have no idea what I'm doing and it makes me crazy. Just gotta keep on truckin' I suppose.
ReplyDeleteCrazy as it may sound, it is still nice to know that someone else feels the same way. Makes the situation a little bit "normal," realizing that I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't help that I'm unemployed, there's just so much time to wallow in these feelings and thoughts. Hopefully when I get a job, these feelings will subside, even for just a bit. I hope it gets better for you too :)