You live in the face of strangers

I don't know if the fact that I see a lot of people who resemble you is a good thing or not. I'm not even sure if  I can trust my eyes, given that I don't have 20/20 vision.

Sometimes I think I'm just subconsciously (and yet, willfully) torturing myself. And, just to be honest, I think I prefer it this way. It makes me think about and remember you more.

I have yet to encounter someone who sounds like you. It's hard to admit that I'm very close to forgetting your voice entirely. I just wish that if I ever hear someone who's a close match, I'd recognize you in her. I want to remember.

It's that time of the year again

One year has again been added to my years of existence. I have just finished saying thank-you's to those who have greeted me over at facebook. It surprises me how a lot of people that I've never even talked to took a second of their day to type "happy birthday" on my wall. Honestly, I've always felt awkward and uncomfortable answering these posts, especially face-to-face greetings even from friends and family. Like I feel embarrassed that they know my birthday, even if only through facebook. I'm weird like that. But I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.

So, 23. How does it feel to be one year older? Honestly, I cannot believe that I'm this old already. Perhaps it's because nothing remarkable or even slightly of note has happened in those first few years of adulthood. Wait, that seems a bit off. I don't feel like an adult. I am far from acting like one, no question about that. Let's just say I feel like I wasted my "youth," those glorious early 20's (and late teens) that were supposed to be the best times of our lives. It's over. But hey, 23 is still considered to be in the early 20's, right? Right?? So maybe, it still isn't quite over yet. I have a year to change that. Or maybe not.

I can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm way past 20. Why 20, you ask? Nothing. It's like the last age I remember myself being, for no particular reason. This seems shallow and stupid, but I kind of believed I could never be older than that. Not that I would die at that age, but that I'm incapable of moving past that age. that I'll be forever 20. (Good thing I didn't say 21, else that last sentence would've sound... too commercial haha.) Just to add to this line of thought, at some point, I also thought I'd never live past high school (this falls under the I'd-die-at-this age kind). While in college, I thought I'd never live past that as well (a mix of both kinds). See the trend here?

So to go back to that how-do-I-feel question: I feel sad, really. I never thought that I would be "someone" by this time, but I never thought I would be like this either. Not nobody, that sounds too emo, but this. Just this.

At this point, I've mostly already lost track of my thoughts, so I'll try to end this now. Not what anyone would expect for a birthday post, no? Most people would talk of happy things and be thankful for so many stuff. I wish I could have done that, because I could. I really could. But I just wanted this to be one thing, and that is honest. And it is.


Happy birthday to me. :)

Hey Ma

I miss my mom. These past few days (or weeks) I've been constantly imagining coming up to and hugging her. I don't know. It sucks. Sucks that I can't do it, not the fact that I imagine cheesy stuff. Heh.


I log on once in a while and post super random posts like this. I am a good blogger. You should be proud.

It is so much easier to remain stagnant, so much easier to daydream.

But easier doesn't necessarily mean better.

Lazy ass can't remember

It was past 2am and I can't sleep. Nothing unusual about that.
I thought of a line, a very catchy line.
One to use for a future project?
One to use for the blog?
I can't remember. All I know is it's something you can only probably think of once.
I fought the urge to take note of it out of fear of losing the desire to sleep.
I'll write it down later in the day, I thought to myself, confident I'll be able to remember.
But I can't. I always can't. Hell, I know it even before I decided to just close my eyes and lull myself to sleep.

I regret it every single time.

Today I drank 3.5 mugs of coffee

Because sometimes I like to torture myself like that

Fast eyes are fast!

As I lay on my bed earlier today, I realized that I have quite a handful of unread books in my possession. According to my blog, I've last purchased books last March. That's something to be proud of as I tend to hoard. Thus, my to-be-read pile. So I said to myself that I won't be buying any book anytime soon. Luckily enough, I really don't feel any inclination to visit bookstores lately.

But I guess the universe does not approve. A few hours after my no-book-buying declaration, this came into possession:

I swear I had no plans of buying any book today.

 B idly surveyed the merchandise at a book kiosk at the mall while talking on her mobile phone. I actually found it funny that we stopped there as she's not a book person. And since I'm in a no-book-buying mode, I didn't really pay attention to the books on display. Little did I know, the universe's laughing loudly behind my back. 'Coz you know what? It only took one look, one look... You know what happened next.

I don't regret it though, for it's secondhand. And I don't really see this title in any other bookstore, so yes, there wasn't any room for hesitation. Say hello to your new recruit, TBR pile! Woo-hoo!

Point and Shoot

I've been restless ever since we got back from Ilocos. Having a taste of a mini adventure ticked something inside me. I WANT MORE. It also made me want to get a waterproof camera. I have posted pictures from our trip on my previous entry, but it didn't show any from the underground cave. It's not that my battery ran out or the memory card's full, it's because I was afraid to use my camera there. Which is perfectly sensible.

I have also observed that as time goes by, I'm leaning towards high-quality compact cameras more and more and rethinking why I wanted a DSLR for so long. Sure, it's definitely more versatile and all that, but do I need these extra features? Currently, no. Plus, it's inconvenient to lug around especially when you're traversing a rocky trail (which are slippery more often than not) and walking through streams and such. I want something I could use and carry anywhere and everywhere. So now I'm on a hunt for the perfect companion.

I have actually already found the one. I present to you the Sony Cyber-shot TX20:

Model Highlights: Certified waterproof, dustproof and shockproof, 16.2-megapixel Exmor® R CMOS sensor, Full HD 1080/60i video, dual record of photos and videos, up to 10fps, 3.0" touch screen


Or its pricier brother, the TX200V:

Model Highlights: 18.2 megapixels, certified waterproof and dustproof, 3.3" OLED touch screen, Full HD 1080/60p video, high speed AF, up to 10 fps, Clear Image Zoom, Optical SteadyShot™ with Active Mode


Would be thrilled to own an orange TX20! I know I won't be needing this until our next vacation (which is probably on December), but I just can't help lusting over it! The only problem is that I don't have the moolah right now. So yes, will be dreaming of you 'til then.

Anybody want to sponsor my purchase? Hee-hee.


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Images and info from Sony website

Back so soon?

We've only returned to Manila this morning and already, we're contemplating on going back to the province. Possible for me, since I have free time.

I have finished the two rolls I brought for the trip and I'm crossing my fingers that they will turn out fine. My sister forgot to take pictures of the windmills on our digital camera, which is very unfortunate. I have taken a few on my SLR, so I'm really excited to see the shots. I have this annoying habit of spending my money down to the last centavo, so I think I'll send 'em rolls to the lab next week. This, even though I'll practically be penniless again in less than a month.

Meanwhile, here are some digital shots from our short but sweet vacation:

Puttot River, Pasuquin, Ilocos Norte

Somewhere between Pasuquin and Pagudpud (taken from a moving bus)

Absolutely love the sky!

Pagudpud, Ilocos Norte

The waves are calling.

To the North

We're finally off to the north today; bus is leaving at 10:30 in the evening. It's hard to imagine it's been more or less six years since my last visit. Actually, we've been planning seriously to go this summer, but we never thought something like this would come up. Our two-week stay would definitely be not enough to make up for lost time, especially because of what happened.

As much as it hurts to think that we're going primarily to attend the wake and burial of my grandma, I can't help but get excited to see my relatives again, albeit one less familiar face. I'm slowly preparing myself for the emotional stress I would be experiencing in the days to come. You see, it's been more than a week, and still I haven't properly mourned. I only cried once, on my way to work, when my sister broke the news to me. I can feel the tears building up inside me, ready to explode at any given time. It sure feels like I lost my mother twice. *sigh*

On a lighter note, I will be bringing my SLR with me, and bought two rolls of film for this trip. Uh-huh, two more rolls to be added to my pile of unprocessed film. According to my exposure log, I last loaded my camera in October of last year. What a loser. Pray I still know how to use my SLR. Hopefully, I'd be able to snap some nice photos.

With my older sister, way back in good 'ol '93

See you soon, Ilocos.