I don't know if the fact that I see a lot of people who resemble you is a good thing or not. I'm not even sure if I can trust my eyes, given that I don't have 20/20 vision.
Sometimes I think I'm just subconsciously (and yet, willfully) torturing myself. And, just to be honest, I think I prefer it this way. It makes me think about and remember you more.
I have yet to encounter someone who sounds like you. It's hard to admit that I'm very close to forgetting your voice entirely. I just wish that if I ever hear someone who's a close match, I'd recognize you in her. I want to remember.
Sep 23, 2012
Sep 21, 2012
It's that time of the year again
One year has again been added to my years of existence. I have just finished saying thank-you's to those who have greeted me over at facebook. It surprises me how a lot of people that I've never even talked to took a second of their day to type "happy birthday" on my wall. Honestly, I've always felt awkward and uncomfortable answering these posts, especially face-to-face greetings even from friends and family. Like I feel embarrassed that they know my birthday, even if only through facebook. I'm weird like that. But I know I'm not the only one who feels this way.
So, 23. How does it feel to be one year older? Honestly, I cannot believe that I'm this old already. Perhaps it's because nothing remarkable or even slightly of note has happened in those first few years of adulthood. Wait, that seems a bit off. I don't feel like an adult. I am far from acting like one, no question about that. Let's just say I feel like I wasted my "youth," those glorious early 20's (and late teens) that were supposed to be the best times of our lives. It's over. But hey, 23 is still considered to be in the early 20's, right? Right?? So maybe, it still isn't quite over yet. I have a year to change that. Or maybe not.
I can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm way past 20. Why 20, you ask? Nothing. It's like the last age I remember myself being, for no particular reason. This seems shallow and stupid, but I kind of believed I could never be older than that. Not that I would die at that age, but that I'm incapable of moving past that age. that I'll be forever 20. (Good thing I didn't say 21, else that last sentence would've sound... too commercial haha.) Just to add to this line of thought, at some point, I also thought I'd never live past high school (this falls under the I'd-die-at-this age kind). While in college, I thought I'd never live past that as well (a mix of both kinds). See the trend here?
So to go back to that how-do-I-feel question: I feel sad, really. I never thought that I would be "someone" by this time, but I never thought I would be like this either. Not nobody, that sounds too emo, but this. Just this.
At this point, I've mostly already lost track of my thoughts, so I'll try to end this now. Not what anyone would expect for a birthday post, no? Most people would talk of happy things and be thankful for so many stuff. I wish I could have done that, because I could. I really could. But I just wanted this to be one thing, and that is honest. And it is.
Happy birthday to me. :)
So, 23. How does it feel to be one year older? Honestly, I cannot believe that I'm this old already. Perhaps it's because nothing remarkable or even slightly of note has happened in those first few years of adulthood. Wait, that seems a bit off. I don't feel like an adult. I am far from acting like one, no question about that. Let's just say I feel like I wasted my "youth," those glorious early 20's (and late teens) that were supposed to be the best times of our lives. It's over. But hey, 23 is still considered to be in the early 20's, right? Right?? So maybe, it still isn't quite over yet. I have a year to change that. Or maybe not.
I can't seem to grasp the idea that I'm way past 20. Why 20, you ask? Nothing. It's like the last age I remember myself being, for no particular reason. This seems shallow and stupid, but I kind of believed I could never be older than that. Not that I would die at that age, but that I'm incapable of moving past that age. that I'll be forever 20. (Good thing I didn't say 21, else that last sentence would've sound... too commercial haha.) Just to add to this line of thought, at some point, I also thought I'd never live past high school (this falls under the I'd-die-at-this age kind). While in college, I thought I'd never live past that as well (a mix of both kinds). See the trend here?
So to go back to that how-do-I-feel question: I feel sad, really. I never thought that I would be "someone" by this time, but I never thought I would be like this either. Not nobody, that sounds too emo, but this. Just this.
At this point, I've mostly already lost track of my thoughts, so I'll try to end this now. Not what anyone would expect for a birthday post, no? Most people would talk of happy things and be thankful for so many stuff. I wish I could have done that, because I could. I really could. But I just wanted this to be one thing, and that is honest. And it is.
Happy birthday to me. :)
Sep 7, 2012
Hey Ma
I miss my mom. These past few days (or weeks) I've been constantly imagining coming up to and hugging her. I don't know. It sucks. Sucks that I can't do it, not the fact that I imagine cheesy stuff. Heh.
I log on once in a while and post super random posts like this. I am a good blogger. You should be proud.
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