Hello there, dirty camera

I'll have you checked and CLA'd some time, yes?

My sister unearthed this from my uncle's pile of junk. She wants it for herself, but she's not willing to pay for repairs and all. So, it's mine now. Yezzz. If this can't be repaired, then that's fine. I'll keep it still :>

I didn't think there were rangefinders this big; it's bigger than my SR-T! And I don't know if I'm just imagining it, but it seems heavier too. But hey, if it works, then lucky me!

The struggle

The more I try to ignore this budding feeling,
the more I fall for you

The more I avoid looking into your eyes,
the more I see through you

And as I try to drown these crazy thoughts,
my heart says "I love you"

ICU

Eyes gaze up, eyes meet
Trying hard to look away
Frozen by your stare

Duet

Sing me a love song
And I'll sing you another
Our hearts a-flutter

Moving on with the reading

After almost two days of rest from reading, I finally chose what book to read next. And the winner is:

Steve Thayer's Saint Mudd with my awkward self trying to do a bookface. Apparently, the book's a bit too big. So this picture is more like I'm hiding behind the book. Heh. Oh well.

I've never successfully read two books side by side, but I will make another attempt. Will also be reading David Rabe's Dinosaurs on the Roof.

P.S. My grandmother came out of their room right after I took this photo. Said that I should be looking for a job instead of whatever it is I'm doing. I agree and disagree at the same time.

Unwanted

I cling to your arm
Hoping you would feel my warmth
You push me away

Unfamiliar

When did my touch start to feel foreign?

Is it after we've been apart for so long,

Or when you realized your love for me is gone?

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

The story's so good, I can't even put it into words. I really love this book, especially the first half of it. I finished it in four days, not remarkable, but I'm glad I didn't rush it. Also, I didn't pick up another book yesterday, which gave me more time to think about the story (and stay glued to my laptop most of the day haha). Sometimes it feels good to let the story seep in and the words linger in your head before moving on to another. Later perhaps? :)

Thoughts on The Kite Runner (spoiler!):

• The way in which the characters' personalities are presented is really good. I especially loved how Ali and Hassan are presented in the story, and their respective roles. I love their loyalty, their innate goodness, their honesty. Needless to say, they are my favorites.
• I didn't like Amir in most parts of the story, but that's just me. And though I dislike him, some of his actions are acceptable, even if it means mistreatment of Hassan. It is only natural for people especially children to feel jealous. It only turned ugly after the kite running incident.
• Assef makes me sick.
• I like the twist in the story of Hassan's identity, and the way it was revealed. 
• I didn't give much thought about Amir's father at first, but I appreciated and learned to like his character as the story progressed. I especially liked how he responded to Ali and Hassan's decision to leave. It shows the vulnerability of an otherwise (and usually) tough character.
• I hate how all the characters I liked died, and the fact that they did. But I love the story nonetheless.
• Again, Assef makes me sick.
• I was sooo happy how Sohrab "avenged" Hassan, without him knowing it! Haha. Assef deserves much more than that!
• The ending was just...okay. It doesn't change the fact that I love the book, though.
• I would definitely read this book again some time!

Okaaay! Now on to the next book. Which will it be?

• Grayson by Lynne Cox
• Girl in the Glass by Jeffrey Ford
• Saint Mudd by Steve Thayer
• The Natural History of Uncas Metcalfe by Betsey Osborne

Droplets of letters

On rainy days such as today, I am constantly reminded of a particular verse I made years ago. It was my very first thought as I opened my eyes one morning. As you have probably guessed, it was raining that day.

The rain keeps on pouring
My tears keep on falling
And like raindrops from the sky,
Pieces of me come crashing to the ground


Emo days, if you will.

After the break (fictional)

I've been single for three months now, after four years of being with someone. This is the first time I’ll be sharing about the relationship and, ironically, it’s the end of it.

It’s been three months, and I’m more devastated than I had let on (at least I know I should be). Wait, that’s not quite accurate. Truth is, I carried on day by day like I normally would—minus the sweet messages, frequent calls, regular dates… Well, you get the picture. I never shed a tear. Not even once. As if the moment you said it’s over, all emotions went down the drain. All I even mustered to say was a measly “okay.”

The universe decided today would be different, heck of a lot different, if I say so myself. I had a dream. It was the sweetest dream. Like the summary of those four wonderful years. Our friendship. Our courtship. Our relationship. Our breakup. And just like that, it turned into a nightmare.

I woke up feeling tears trickling down the side of my face. I heard myself sniff. Once. Twice. Next thing I know, I was bawling. Almost screaming. It’s been three damned months. This is the first time I’ve shown emotion—real ones. Delayed reaction at its best. I felt raw, bare. As if even the slightest touch would mar me, and leave a scar I would forever live with.

At that moment, I knew everything would change. Have I been subconsciously pretending all this time? Have I been purposefully delaying acknowledging the pain? I can’t quite grasp the reality of all this, of both the breakup and my lack of “proper” response (if there’s even such a thing). All I know now (and somehow I’m glad I do) is that I’m bursting at the seams, and I can’t hold on much longer.


This marks the beginning of my grieving.


_____

Because I cannot sleep last night.